Feb 11
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Erotica comes in many forms and has been with us throughout history. From temple carvings, pillow books, erotic paintings and literature to hardcore porn on the internet, stories and images of sex serve as both entertainment and education. People are fascinated by sex so it’s not likely to go away nor should it. But porn today is getting a lot of focus because it seems to be everywhere now and is so easily accessible even at a very young age. It’s also getting a lot more extreme as companies attempt to compete with viewers.
For good or bad, porn and other forms of erotica are part of our world. It affects how and what we learn about sex. It also ultimately affects how we have sex with our partners – what we desire, what we believe and how we act. Some aspects of our sexual behaviour and expectations are inexorably influenced by our experiences with porn. But like movies and other shows on TV, viewers need to be aware that a lot of effort goes into making fiction appear real. Unfortunately, due to a lack of good sex education, porn is becoming the primary way people learn about human sexual relationships. Here is an interesting video with a brief discussion that I discovered on TED about some of the implications – it’s essentially pro porn with some caveats:
Personally I believe couples can benefit from using porn and other erotica in their relationship to spice things up a bit now and again. So why not start a conversation with some intimate questions about watching porn. Most sample questions I’ve seen go something like this:
- Have you ever looked at pornography?
- What kind was it?
- When was the last time you did it?
In my opinion, these questions seem to have a very negative feel to them. Depending on your tone of voice, you may come across sounding like you’re accusing your partner of doing something wrong. This may either lead to lying or a defensive argument about the subject. Here are some of my own fun sex questions to ask each other:
- What forms of erotica do you find arousing?
- What do you consider to be porn versus erotic movies?
- What are your beliefs about porn?
- What kinds of pornography have you seen?
- What do you consider to be hardcore versus soft porn?
- Have you ever rented or purchased erotic movies?
- What aspects of porn do you like/dislike?
- What types of sexual activities in porn movies turn you off?
- What types of sexual activities in porn movies turn you on?
- What kinds of porn would you prefer not to watch?
- What kinds of porn do you think I am interested in?
- What kinds of porn do you think I would be freaked out by?
- How do you feel about watching porn either alone or together?
- How do you feel about me watching porn alone? With you?
- In what ways could we use erotica to improve our sex life together?
- What benefits do you think we can get from watching porn together?
- What drawbacks do you feel we would experience watching porn together?
- What kinds of erotic movies would you find interesting to watch together?
- Are there any kinds of porn that you watch but would feel uncomfortable watching together?
- Was porn a major component of you learned about sex and if so in what ways?
- What have you learned from porn that you suspect may not be true?
- Are there any sexual behaviours of mine you believe are modelled on porn?
- Do you think you could ever become addicted to watching porn?
- How do you feel your views on porn will change as you gain more life experiences?
- At what age did you first see any pornography?
- How explicit was the first pornography you ever saw?
- What feelings do you remember having when you first saw porn?
- What lasting impressions did your early exposures to porn have on you?
- Have you ever thought what it would be like to be a porn star?
- Have you ever fantasized about being a porn star?
- Do you have a favourite porn star?
- Do you masturbate to porn?
- How would you make porn better?
Some of these sexy questions about porn and erotica in general are intended to help you both get a sense of your beliefs and past experiences. These intimate questions let you discover how this kind of material has and will influence your sex life together. These questions are not intended to be fired off at each other all at once. Sprinkle them into your conversations and not in any particular order. You can even ponder them yourself to discover your own feelings and desires.
As dating questions to ask each other, they can help you decide if you’re sexually compatible. They are also extremely useful for married couples especial in relationships where erotic material is still considered taboo and viewed secretly. Since this is a sensitive subject, mix these porn questions in with other types. See 500 Intimate Questions for Couples or 1000 Questions to Ask Your Partner for more ideas to get your conversation started. Don’t forget to get one or more of our books featured in the sidebar.
However, there is also a dark side to porn and that is addiction. Porn can be habit forming and even trigger neural chemical dependencies over time. If your porn watching patterns seem to be causing problems for you or your partner, consider learning about how you can Recover From Porn Addiction.
So what is your relationship with porn?
Also see our other article Fun Sex Questions About Visual Erotica for ideas about other types of erotic art that can enhance your love life.
