Feb 11
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What better way to find out what turns your lover on than to share your sexual fantasies? There’s only one problem: many people don’t want to admit they have fantasies or don’t think they actually do fantasize. It’s not that people don’t fantasize, it’s that they have a different internal belief about what a fantasy actually is. They may even believe that people only fantasize during masturbation or during sex if they are bored with their lover. In this context, they may not even want to admit to having fantasies for fear it will upset their partner. They may even suppress their fantasies because they feel guilty or ashamed about them. But sexual fantasies can be a healthy and important part of your sex life together. Learning how to share your desires can lead to a more satisfying and fulfilling relationship with the person you love.
Fantasies come in all types from full sensory mental movies including colour, sound, taste, smell and complete story line to quick and simple thoughts of a sexual encounter. You don’t even need to be in a sexual situation to day dream an erotic thought or idea (not necessarily one that you would like to experience but still of a sexual nature). Even if you are planning an evening of romance and thinking through timing, setting the mood, gathering various foreplay accessories to use and deciding who’s going to be on top, then you’re fantasizing.
The other thing to keep in mind with regard to certain types of sexual fantasies is that many shock even ourselves. People may even feel horrified with the level of deviant desire or type of kinky behaviour involved. The imagined activities may excite a person during sex or masturbation but leave them feeling guilty and ashamed later. You would need to utterly trust a lover or partner before divulging these types of fantasies. Being resistant to share this intimate secret, it’s easier to just suppress knowledge of the fantasy and deny having them. No amount of prodding or probing will make your partner reveal it and may make them feel even more defensive. If pressured, they may be compelled to make up a fantasy that they feel is “normal”.
There are also fantasies that may be so wildly fanciful and occur in impossible scenarios that people may not even consider them valid sexual fantasies since they don’t involve two humans directly. Others may even be considered criminal activities if actually performed. In these contexts, you can see why many people will again resist sharing their most erotic fantasy.
When sharing fantasies you also need to take into account the power of our imagination. Even master story tellers would have a hard time describing every detail in a way that conveys the true mental world of a sexual fantasy and how it triggers the full range of emotions. And when you reveal your erotic thoughts, it’s easy to leave out sensitive details or even recast the scenario just enough to make it more “appropriate”.
So just coming out and asking ‘Do you have sexual fantasies?‘ is somewhat pointless. Also, avoid yes/no type questions if you can. Rather ask for feelings, descriptions, opinions, explanations, etc. to stimulate a conversation. Sex questions about erotic fantasies are better rephrased about sexy ideas, thoughts or desires. Here are a few sexy questions:
- What kinds of roleplaying scenarios can you imagine the two of us doing together?
- What is the most romantic trip or vacation you’ve dreamed about?
- What is the wildest, craziest location you can think of to make love?
- What new sex position or activity have you imagine us doing together?
- What is the most forbidden or taboo sexual desire you can imagine fulfilling?
- What ingredients would make the ultimate night of hot sex for you?
- What do you think is the most erotic movie or book and why?
- What is the most erotically intriguing piece or art you’ve ever seen and why?
- What is the kinkiest thing you can think of us doing together?
- What is the weirdest sexual activity you have every heard or read about?
- Who do you think is the most sexually arousing movie star and in what role?
As you can see, these types of sex questions stimulate a conversation without asking your partner to explicitly reveal their most intimate sexual fantasies. However, their answers do provide useful insights that both of you can use to spice up your sex life together.
For more fun sexy ideas to stimulate your verbal intercourse, check out one or more of our books featured in the sidebar. We also have a variety of Creative Sex Apps including games like Sex Questions 42 and Naughty Truth or Dare.
After sharing your sexual fantasies, you’ll want to enjoy roleplaying a few erotic scenarios to fulfill them. Get one of our books below to whet your appetite. They are designed for you to plan out or customize the roleplay scenarios so you can Make It Personal and Make It Happen!
Sexual Fantasy Workbooks
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